Yin Yang 3
Gray! :)

oh-good-life:

"Share a relationship story." *Sigh* I don’t know where to start this.. this is such a very long story. Apology in advance for those who don’t wish to read this. I will make it short as much as I can.

4 years ago, I met a girl on Twitter who changed my whole life. She is from Germany and I’m from Japan.

Everything of us started from “Follow me back?” from her. I followed back, and we started to talk about a lot of things. She always tweeted me whenever she found me “online” saying how are you or blahblah, we talked, talked, talked every day. I wasn’t kind of person who starts a conversation with someone. But she always tweeted me first to start a conversation with me, which was really cute :’) It didn’t take much time for us to get close, we became best friends immediately. I was realizing that she likes me more than a friend way.. she always told me very sweet things and I was smiling like a fool whenever I’m talking with her. I was also liking her back but didn’t ask her to be my girlfriend because I wasn’t believing that we can make it because we both were too young… I was so afraid of losing her, like end up not being together. But the more time passes by, we got to know about each other more and more. We both were in love with each other but wasn’t in a relationship because of me. As time passes by, we got more closer. One day, I’ve committed to myself believing in her words that she will always love me. She made me feel that she will never leave me no matter what and love me forever. She promised them to me. I was determined to get her by my side no matter what. I really meant it. So I finally asked her to be my girlfriend (partner) after half a year since we met. I don’t like calling her girlfriend. She is more than a girlfriend to me. I never met a girl who makes me happy as much as she does. She literally made me the happiest man alive, and I was also making her happy. We were deeply truly loving each other, more than anything. I dreamt of being with her forever, I was willing to give up on anything for her. I wanted to make her happy and feel loved each day, I treated her like princess in possible ways. She’s the most important thing in my whole life. I told her that she is beautiful every day, even though she never accepted it but got mad for me calling her beautiful haha she was so cute when she was mad, I was smiling and we were. We had ups and down just like other relationships, we overcame them together each time with our love. We had the strongest connection between heart and heart, our bond was never something that could be broken easily. No matter how much we fought, we forgave each other and end up smiling at the end. She promised to stay and love me forever, I also did. I never broke promise or my words to her while she often broke her words and our small promises… of course they had hurt me but I always forgave her, always gave her chances because I truly love her.

But as time passed by, she started to change… At the end of 2013, I was feeling like she was no longer loving me.. I could feel it by the way she treats me yet.. she was still such a sweet person to me. But I could feel it. I asked her for the truth that if she loves me or not but she didn’t answer me at first.. but I really wanted to know so I asked her again and she finally told me… that she is not sure anymore if she loves me or not… her words totally brought me down. I fucking cried.. I cried a lot. I couldn’t believe that she is not loving me anymore at first. I didn’t even want to accept that. I was so confused, she was too. We tried to look for a way of being together. She told me that she doesn’t wanna lose me, I told her that you will never lose me.. that I will always be there for her no matter what as I promised. The girl I dreamt of being with forever is no longer loving me. This fact was killing me.. while I was acting like “okay”. I was losing myself inside because she was my everything. I was so fucking afraid of losing the love of my life.. I never wanted to lose her. I was hoping every day that she will love me again. I didn’t give up on her. Since that day she told me the truth everything was different. Sometimes she told me that she loves me and she doesn’t wanna lose me but I could see that she doesn’t mean it by the way she treats me. I felt like we were falling apart slowly… I’m not the one who is getting far away, she was the one getting far away, while I was trying so hard to get her love back. I sent her meaningful messages almost every day, though I think she wasn’t that impressed but happy. I always replied her very fast, while she very often took way longer just to reply me than before, saying she’s busy… I waited for her answer if she loves me or not hoping it would change but it never changed even after a few months. Her answer was always “I don’t know” which is VERY hurtful answer.. I was not even able to know why she doesn’t want me or love me. I was crying each time I heard her answer “I don’t know”.. She may have told me that way because she didn’t want to hurt me by telling her truth. She was always kind of a girl who keeps almost everything inside. What made our relationship hard is her attitude to me that she keeps everything inside her. She only told me that I hurt her, but she never told me how I’m hurting her or why. While I always had let her know what kind of her action hurts me, and she tried to change it. But I couldn’t even get an opportunity to change myself. There were a few times that she actually told me, and I changed myself and NEVER did it again. She knew that I will never do it if she ever tells me, but she never told me most of the time. This is what I couldn’t understand about her. How can I change something that I don’t know? It’s impossible. I tried to look for a reason what’s of me hurting her.. but I couldn’t figure it out by my own. I was always willing to change myself or do anything for her to make her happy and she surely knew it but she never told me. I’d rather know the truth how much it hurts, I wanted her to tell me straight that she doesn’t love me anymore or want me… so I could accept it instead of having stupid hope that she may change and love me again.. I couldn’t throw my hope I still loved her.. And she was literally my everything.

As time passes by, she started to take a lot of time just to reply me.. and she even started to ignore my texts. She didn’t reply for the whole day, though I saw her “online” and talking with someone else but not me… I remember I cried a lot on that night.. She had never ignored me, she never did such a thing to me. It was so fucking horrible. I never thought she would do such a thing to me. It fucking hurts being ignored by the person you love. Something like these days continued… and I was totally broken and was stuck alone with a small hope of getting her love back… thinking she may tell me that she wants me tomorrow.

Who thought she would change like this? I gave her a promise ring and a letter just 3 or 4 months ago before this happened. I was believing that we’ll get married someday in a few years.. I literally couldn’t wait for that.

I still didn’t give up in these days, a tiny hope that she may change kept me going. I tried to stick with her though she was treating me like I’m nothing anymore. I tried so so hard for getting her love back, I did everything I could do in possible ways. But the more she ignored and pushed me away, I realized and had to accept that this girl doesn’t want me anymore… that she doesn’t need me. I was always telling her that “I will never leave you as long as you need me.” And I know this time had come.. though I never thought this would come when I said it. I was feeling like stupid doing so much for her while she didn’t even care to fix our relationship but ignore me while I never did such a thing to her. I was really tired of being hurt. After all… I’ve finally decided to give up on our relationship. I wonder what her “I don’t want to lose you” means.. She probably thinks that I left her and gave up on her. But she is the one who gave up on our relationship way ages ago before me, and she was the one who pushed me away. No matter how hard I tried to get closer to her, she pushed me away. I did everything I could, I had no regret for giving up. There was no choice left for me.. It’s how she feels, and I can’t change it. I finally accepted that she doesn’t need me. I stopped all effort to keep a conversation with her since she doesn’t want to talk with me. We haven’t talked since my birthday. But I know I will be there for her if she ever needs me again.. regardless of what she did to me in the past. I promised it and I will never break it. I had the best 3 years of my life because of her. Thank you so much… not sure if she’s reading this but I want to appreciate you for loving me.

I’m sorry for making it very long.. and bad english.

Thank you for taking time to read such super long story of mine x

Reblogging because this is amazing and relatable


whatsacanada:

they should’ve made this the new anonymous icon

image

(via guy)

Reblog if it’s okay to start talking to you.

(via peaceisgolden)

getoffmybloghoe:

it makes me uncomfortable that they dont shoot movie scenes in order

(via guy)